Today I went to work trying to shake off a feeling I've had for a while now that I've had a real lousy year at work and I'm not good enough for my job. Actually, I know why I feel that way, cos AJ told me so last week! J asks why I let one person colour my whole perception of myself. That's a good question. I've always felt the guilt, from when I was a child in school, that I should be working harder, goofing off less, be more driven etc etc. I've never felt good enough, really. Rationally, I know it would be more pertinent to ask if my superiors have failed me instead. In the end, it is who you are aligned with, and whose "ally" you are seen as which has more bearing on your advancement. All a monumental waste of time, but I guess some people really need to create challenges for themselves.

Anyway, the point is, as Ann said at lunch, it's best to work for oneself. At age 41, can I reinvent myself? Ah, that's where the question of drive comes in. I've always been a laidback kind of person, happy to cruise by on natural talent. We shall see if this project with Ann works out. At least I may be able to unchain myself from the implacable unappeasable mothership. Had a conversation with Zach about pay structure etc. He says cost of living is much lower in the US but the point is that I don't want to get stiffed by the company.

Finished the night with a drink under the stars at Sunset Tavern with J. It's nice to be able to walk home -- three minutes, tops! -- after a drink! But I don't know how long we will enjoy this place. The Lift Upgrading Programme may be around the corner. We got letters in the mail today about the Good News Chris de Souza has got for us. They are gonna put a door in our balconies which will open to the lift landing. That sounds pretty radical... Guess we'll have to wait till Nov 11 to find out!